Days passed and I continued to follow the ABC Diet religiously. Since the beginning of the diet, I had, to date, lost over 20 lbs. My best friend had to stop the diet due to health issues, but continued to support me. My Pro-Ana text buddy had to quit the diet because her family caught on, but she too continued to support me and started the 2468 Diet so she would be able to trick her family into believing she was eating more food.
My own family was beginning to get suspicious that I wasn't eating enough, but I always had a good excuse. "I ate at school." "We went through a drive through during Driver's Ed." "I ate before you got home from work." "I'll eat in just a minute. Let me take a plate of food to Dad." "I hate _________! (doughnuts, burgers, milkshakes, french fries, etc." "___________ makes me feel sick." "I feel nauseated. (You would be surprised how much this one works! I have a disease that causes constant nausea though... So it is perfect!)" I tried to eat as much as possible in front of my mom. Especially on lower calorie days when there aren't enough calories to take a Weight Watchers/ Lean Cuisine/ Healthy Choice/ Kashi/ Morning Star/ Lean Pockets Microwave item to school. I bought sugar free Jello, Propel Zero, and Diet Mountain Dew. My addiction to coffee turned into an addiction to Diet Mountain Dew because it has 0 Calories but still plenty of caffeine.
Valentine's Day came and passed. I told my boyfriend not to get me anything edible. He obeyed like a good little dog. <3 He bought me a beautiful red rose, and a stuffed Skelanimals Cat. I got him 1 of each of the flavors of Bi-Lo brand Poptarts. He loves Poptarts whether or not they're name brand, and he told me not to spend any money on him. I got them on a really good sale though. He forgave me. I made a million cake truffles to give to my friends and teachers. I know I'm a kiss-ass. Tell me something I don't know. I still have tons of them sitting in my freezer. I think I'm going to try and sell them. A little extra money never hurt anyone... I think....
This morning I woke up at 5:30 am. I really don't want to be awake this early. So I go back to sleep and wake up at 7-ish. I get up and I have a plan for making breakfast for my family. Cooking has become my chore, so I have actual use for my obsession with cooking things and giving them to other people to eat. I am making chicken biscuits for my family when I realize that I didn't put the biscuits on a plate! I just put them in the toaster oven! Oh god! I'm such an idiot! I think, and then say allowed, "This is a huge mess!"
"Don't worry about it sweetheart!" the familiar voice of Ana whispers in my ear, "You will think of some way to feed that mangled mess to your family anyway. You always do."
I laugh aloud, "That's true. I hate wasting food, and I love getting rid of food from the pantry and freezer that's been there for a while and forgotten."
"And its a good thing you are on ABC and don't actually EAT the food you make for your family!" She looked questioningly at the deformed chunks of partially cooked, buttery dough, and lumps of cripsy bread from where the dough had fallnen through the wires of the toaster oven. "I don't trust HALF the food you make for them."
"Well," I begin, shrugging my shoulders, "They don't have to know all the things I put in their food. I just want to use things up so I have more room for my diet foods!"
"You are so smart!" Ana giggles, kissing my forehead, "I'm proud of you. You are so strong."
"Thank you!" I smile at her, "Besides... they don't care what they're eating. They just keep buying more, and more, and more more more more!"
"Ugh." She sighs. "I know. I cannot believe how many different packages of full-fat sausages you've found and cooked for your family!"
"Gross, huh?" I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "They always get these things on sale. Buy one get one free! Buy the name brand get the store brand 50% off! Free custom coupons at the check out!"
"Hey, Hey, Hey!" She puts a hand up to stop me. "You like it when you get free diet foods."
"True." I admit. "I like it when I get things I'll be able to eat."
We laugh together as a prepare a new batch of biscuits and put the ugly ones in a bowl to use later. I prepare the rest of breakfast, and go up to my room to eat a 90 Calorie Fiber One Chocolate Peanut Butter snack bar in peace. I walk down stairs and grab a drink. I mean to get a Propel Zero, but accidentally drink a regular one with 10 Calories before Ana or I notice.
"Ah!" I shriek as I look more closely at the bottle, "Damn it! This is regular! it has 10 Calories I didn't plan for! Screw it. Now I can't eat a cup of sugar free Jello for dinner when my mom comes home!"
"Its okay darling." Ana says, trying to calm me down, "The limit for today is 100 Calories You didn't go over or anything."
"Yeah. I know." I sigh in regret. "I just hate wasting my Calories on drinks."
"Aw." She rubs my aching back, gently and soothingly. "I know. It'll be okay though. Its okay."
"From now on," I resolve, "I'm gonna be extra careful about drinks. Only 0 Calorie drinks until I finish ABC at least. Maybe then I'll let myself have coffee again."
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