Premonition

"Every time I eat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Yet, for some reason, I keep eating today. I'm not hungry, and its causing me pain. But I'm eating anyway. Yesterday I felt the need to use a laxative. Just because." I look expectantly at Ana, waiting for her to give me an answer. But there are none. She just shakes her head.
"You were doing so well love," Her eyes lift to meet mine. "You were looking so thin!"

Her words leave her lips and sparkle their way across the air to meet my ears. I was looking so thin! Then I remember that she is using past tense. I was looking so thin. . . And after today, I have ballooned up again.

"Ana," I say, "I really feel bad. I have failed you. More than that, I have failed myself!"
"You're right." She says, pity filling her eyes. "You have failed. I love you so much, though, and you are strong. You can make up for it."
"And that is where you are right, Ana." I say grinning, "I am going to start the ABC diet tomorrow."
"Oh?" She says, "You don't have a buddy this time."
"True." I sigh, "But I last time, my buddy had to quit. I did most of the diet on my own."
"Tragic..." Ana sighs, "... Tragic when parents get involved like that."

I am floating on the proverbial cloud nine. I am going to start the ABC Diet again, and I will be thin and beautiful once more. Last time, I lost just over 30 lbs. in a simple 50 days.

"Ana," I say after a few minutes pass, "Do you think if I start the ABC Diet tomorrow, I will look good enough in time for school pictures?"
"That's my darling," She giggles and embraces me in her whimsical arms. "Always thinking of the future. I think," She says after a bit of a pause, "That you will look lovely in time for your year book picture."
"The real trouble is going to be my trip to the beach." I look down as that reality sinks in. "How am I going o do my own thing there? I will be with my mom and two sisters, and one of my best friends for a whole week!"
"I am  sure, love," She holds my shoulders and looks deeply into my eyes. "That you, of all people, will manage."

Immediately though, my thoughts turn to how I will get out of eating much all week, and how I will bring my own pre-calorie-calculated rations. "Veggie burgers." I grin, "That's a start! And eggs."
"Veggie burgers are a great start." Ana smiles. "Eggs too. You could go with eggs in the morning. There are ways to prepare it that make it look like more food than it really is. No one will question."
"And they're 70 calories and 7g of protein. Shouldn't take a huge chunk out of my diet." I am grinning now. "Veggie sausage patties are 70 calories as well, and veggie sausage links are 40 calories each. They would be easy to eat when people start getting suspicious."
"Very good, dear!" Ana claps her hands in a beautiful, child like fashion that I envy so much. "My main concern is when you all go out for dinner."
"Damn." I feel like crying when I remember that. "What am I going to do?"
"Play sick?" She shrugs. "I really don't know. You could pretend to be to sick to eat. Or you could day that you don't think you can eat the food that they select at the restaurant."
"Except, the problem is if they decide to be courteous of me." I am afraid that I really might cry now. "Damn nice friends."

I turn into Ana's bony little shoulder and just let the tears flow. She cradles my trembling frame in her beautiful, tiny hands and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "You'll get through this, sweetie. I promise."
I gasp and sob some more. "I could stay at the beach and try to skip meals." I take a deep breath between sobs. "Or draw something and pretend to be to busy to eat, but that still won't get me out of meals in the city!" The tears start right back up again.
"I guess we can solve that problem when we come to it." Ana whispers and kisses the top of my head, gently. "Just try to do your best, and remember: I love you."